If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
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I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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