i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
