i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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