I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The air taste purple.
Randomize
