She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
