also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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