My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
