You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
