if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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