When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
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You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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