I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
