Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
