your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
