i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
