I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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