The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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