all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I die, sorry about rent.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
