i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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