I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
