i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
