I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
