I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
