I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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