if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
