im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
