Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
