just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
