I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
