Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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