I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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