I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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