So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
