margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
