So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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