We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
