and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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