when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
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There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
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drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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