Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
