so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
