Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize