So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
