is your mom at the bar?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
