They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
