he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
