its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
