Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.

Fav 13 924 3953
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(541): View more from Oregon

im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.

Fav 10 4312 909
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(216): View more from Ohio

It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.

Fav 23 3623 1029
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(301): View more from Maryland

saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.

Fav 8 843 4618
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(252): View more from North Carolina

i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.

Fav 55 6404 1145
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(708): View more from Illinois

You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.

Fav 13 2181 2979
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(604): View more from British Columbia

She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

Fav 112 53250 2388
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(415): View more from California

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT

(707): View more from California

I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.

(415): View more from California

I effort

Fav 6 1830 909
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.

Fav 3 70 24
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