Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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