My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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