At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
