I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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