I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
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