I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
