I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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