We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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