and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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