I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
