sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
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He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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