remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
