I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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