She announced her abortion via fbk
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
