:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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