I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As shirtless as possible
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
