I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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