i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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