was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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