sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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