what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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