Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
