I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
