just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
