I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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