End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
