youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize