Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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