Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How does one acquire holy water?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
