yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
