Betty ford says i'm here all night
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My pussy is not your playground.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
